Waiting on Sunshine: pt. 6/6

Two months passed after our little Christmas girl had gone when we got another call. A three week old little girl. I thought about going back to sleepless nights and hesitated for a second but then said yes. We were getting a baby girl! We started preparing for her arrival when Daniel pointed out, “you told the caseworker you just had a COVID test, right?”

This was the end of March 2020, testing was still new. I wasn’t sick, I had no symptoms. What happened was Oliver once again had pneumonia because of his wonky airway. I knew this was aspiration pneumonia because I’d seen it happen to him over and over in his 2 year life. I took him to his pediatrician who wanted to have him tested. We both knew it was likely aspiration pneumonia but Oliver had the necessary symptoms and it was best to rule COVID out. He called the number he had to call (I think at this point it was the County Health Department) and requested COVID testing for Oliver. They denied the request. Even with a fever, junk in his lungs, being medically complex, having chronic pneumonia, and parents who’d recently traveled outside the country they still denied the pediatrician’s request for testing (so much for “everyone who wants a test can get a test”). So the pediatrician asked if I had any symptoms. I was able to check enough boxes so he asked me to call my own provider and request a test because if Oliver had it then I would likely test positive too, my negative test would then be his negative test. I was so confident it wasn’t COVID that it didn’t even cross my mind when the caseworker called. These were other known health issues, nothing new, and we’d been staying home, wearing masks, etc.

So here I was, prepping the house for a baby girl who was probably coming later that day and my hyper-moral husband was trying to explain why I needed to tell this caseworker I had been tested for COVID. He had good arguments, I hated them all. Technically yes, he was right and even though I was so sure Oliver’s was aspiration pneumonia (it was) and mine was other known issues (it was) we shouldn’t be bringing anyone in until there is a negative result. I called the caseworker and explained the situation, she called her supervisor and they decided to place baby in another home.

It made sense. They didn’t really have a clear picture of COVID yet. They were still trying to figure out how bad it was going to be so it didn’t make sense to risk placing this baby in our home.

I got frustrated with Daniel. I knew he was right (again) but I was still frustrated that he was once again making it so a little girl wasn’t coming to our home (first “Baby Girl”, then my friend’s baby girl, and now this one). I remember ranting to him that I didn’t know how any girl was going to come to our family and stay because he kept sending them away.

I wanted to know why. Why had this situation even been placed in our path if it wasn’t going to be possible for her to come to our home? I was so mad at myself that I’d agreed to get tested. If I hadn’t been tested then she’d be here. I felt like it was my fault. The timing just sucked so bad. I knew I’d get my results within about 12 more hours. If they’d called me a day later it would’ve been fine.

But the timing worked out, because if that baby girl had been in our home we’d have never been called for Bonus Sister.

Four months had passed since our little Christmas girl had left, when I got a call from Diana, Oliver’s first caseworker (remember her from pt. 2?). She and Kevin (Christmas girl’s caseworker, from pt. 5) were looking for a home for a little girl who needed a foster home right now. As they looked at the list of emergency foster homes we were the only one they knew had worked with both Diana (for Oliver) and Kevin (for our little Christmas girl). This little girl they were trying to place was older than the age range we’d fostered for so many years, but because they both knew us they wanted to place her with us immediately. I called Daniel, we went over the few pieces of information they gave me, and we decided to say yes. I called Diana back and told her we were in. She responded that they would text me an ETA when they were headed to our house. My breath caught for a moment when she said they just needed to pick her up from her home…in that same suburb I’d looked out on two years earlier.

A little over an hour later a state car pulled into our driveway with Bonus Sister in the back seat. Aurelia and I watched through the front window as Kevin lifted Bonus Sister out of the car and they walked up to our front door.

When she walked in it went how it usually does, she looked around nervously while staying close to her caseworker but quickly warmed up with the help of some gentle encouragement from our other kids. I tried to be open and welcoming without overwhelming her. Soon she was playing with the drawer of toys we keep in the living room dresser. Oliver immediately started sharing toys with her, which was kind of odd for him. After a little warm up period Bonus Sister went off to play with the other kids while Diana and Kevin explained why she was in foster care. The main facts of her story were similar to so many others who’d come through our home.

From the moment she walked in the door it was like Bonus Sister turned on a light in our home. She is this bouncing little ball of sunshine and laughter. She is magic. Whenever we take in another child there are always new challenges as we try to meet the needs of that child. Usually life gets a little more complicated and a little more stressful, but with Bonus Sister it was like everything clicked. She brought more joy, more love, and somehow made life easier just by being here. She and Daniel have a sweet bond, she always wants to know where he is and wants to video call him when they’re apart.

As her case has gone on I’ve learned more and more details of her life before coming here. She was loved. She was so loved, but the details of what she’s had to survive in her life are some of the most disturbing I’ve heard as a foster parent. The fact that she’s even a typical child is incredible, her joyful personality is a testament to her resilience.

When she got here the caseworker was adamant this was a short term placement. There was a schedule and everything. There was a plan in place and she wouldn’t be staying.

But things don’t always go as planned…

There was a snag to a critical part of her going home. In August the caseworker and Bonus Sister’s GAL (her attorney) asked if we were willing to adopt her. Again, we don’t have the adoption conversation during a case until they tell us that child can’t go back home. After the phone calls and conversations that August afternoon I watched Bonus Sister sleeping peacefully, unaware of the big decisions being made on her behalf. I was nervous but somehow confident. I went to Daniel to see how he felt about her staying. It didn’t take long to confirm both of us felt the same way about Bonus Sister…

Bonus Sister is staying. She’s staying forever and ever.

Next month, December 2020, after a year and a half in foster care, Bonus Sister will be adopted into our family.

That feeling of our girl being out there is gone, we are complete. Our daughter is home.