The final chapter of Two Babies

Two Babies cases are wrapping up.

We will be adopting baby boy next month. 🙂

And baby girl will be going to another adoptive home.

We found out at the beginning of June that baby girl wouldn’t be able to go home. I had decided early on in her case that if for some reason she couldn’t go home then I wanted her to stay. No thought or prayer needed, I’d decided, if she couldn’t go home then she would be mine and I would be hers. That probably should’ve been a sign to me to get my head right and focus.

During a case Daniel and I focus entirely on supporting the family we’re fostering and on helping them be together again. Daniel doesn’t even discuss the possibility of adoption until after it’s decided in court that our bonus kiddos won’t be able to return home.

The day it was decided she wouldn’t be able to go home marked the start of the most marital stress we’ve ever, EVER experienced in our almost 10 years of marriage.

I knew immediately that I wanted to be her mom, but I also knew Daniel was hesitant. He didn’t feel right about it.

I didn’t have room for “feeling about it” which really should have been another sign to me to pump the breaks. I’m all about praying and following my gut in foster care. There’s no room for ego or pushing your own will when it comes to the best interest and the intended fate of these awesome kids.

There was constant discussion and debate. Daniel tried hard to come around to my side. He tried and tried to get more attached (even though he already was), he tried lots of other things, he even considered just sucking it up for me and the kids and letting her stay even though he didn’t feel right about it.

I continued to want her to stay, Daniel continued to feel like she wasn’t supposed to stay and we needed to let her go.

I cried, cried some more, stress-ate my weight in sweets and comfort food, worked out, and kept a notepad on my phone with a list of reasons why we should adopt her. I refused to accept that we might not adopt her.

At the same time I knew if Daniel didn’t come around then she couldn’t stay. Kids shouldn’t be raised in a home where both parents aren’t 100% into them being there. I knew it wouldn’t be good for her, our family, or our marriage.

One night there was this moment where I somehow came to be in possession of both strength and clarity at the same time. I told Daniel, “If you’re absolutely, 100% sure letting her go is the right thing then I need you to see it through. No matter how upset I get, or how angry, or heartbroken, I need you to keep going and stand your ground if you’re sure it’s the right choice, no matter how hard it gets.”

Time kept dragging on and the stress was slowly killing all of us. I finally set a deadline. I picked a day that would be after a few therapy sessions and a short family trip. I knew if Daniel still didn’t feel right about it after that then he wasn’t going to change his mind.

The day came and the decision was made. I needed to let my little girl go.

It was hard and heartbreaking but I don’t want to focus on that part. I want to get to where we are now.

This awesome little girl has an incredible life in front of her. The string of random and odd circumstances it took for her to come to OUR home…it’s incredible. I don’t doubt that she was absolutely meant to have us as her foster parents. She was supposed to be ours and we were supposed to be hers, just temporarily.

There has been a continuation of miracles for this little girl that has me completely convinced that there was a very specific family that she was always meant to be with forever. I was never meant to be her endgame, despite how much I wanted it. The things that’ve happened to get her where she’ll be going just don’t happen. They don’t. I’ve never seen it, her caseworker has never seen it, and I’ve watched them happen for this little girl.

She was always meant to be theirs and they were always meant to be hers, forever.