We’re the lucky ones

~ jessbuildingjoy

From the time we first started trying to adopt people said things like “that’s so great that you’re adopting,” or “you’re doing such a good thing”. It made me uncomfortable, and I don’t mean that in the “heroes don’t like being called heroes” kind of way. It made me uncomfortable because, as harsh as this may sound, we weren’t adopting to do something nice or to be good people, we were adopting because we wanted to be parents. We wanted to be called “mommy” and “daddy” by another little miracle. We wanted the crazy, beautiful kind of chaos that comes from a house full of energetic little feet.

Shortly after adopting Noah (while he was still in the NICU) we met a new couple at church who had somehow heard about our situation. They said “you are doing such a good thing”. I cringed. I replied with something like “we’ve wanted him for a long time and we’re so lucky we get to be his parents”. They didn’t know our story. They didn’t know about the heartbreak that preceded the joy of being chosen as his parents. WE are the lucky ones. His first mama is the one who did “such a good thing” and we were the ones blessed by it.


Noah was wanted and loved by his first mom. When she met us for the first time she also met with several other couples. These were several couples who had been narrowed down from a HUGE selection of couples who all WANTED to be his parents. So. Many. People. Wanted to be his parents. He isn’t a child who would have been abandoned or parentless if it weren’t for us. His birth mom was able to pick from countless couples hoping to be his mom and dad.

 When I hear “he’s lucky to have you guys as parents” I think “well, yes and no”. Yes, I believe we were uniquely prepared to give Noah his best start, to get him quickly to his diagnoses, to get him quickly started on all his therapies, to be familiar with nearly everything he has faced and how best to help. In that sense sure, all three of us are lucky that we were prepared to give him a fantastic start.

WE are the lucky ones. WE are lucky we get to be his parents. HE is the one with endless options of love coming from absolutely everywhere. He went from loved and wanted to loved and wanted. He could have gone to hundreds of other homes and we were the ones blessed to be his parents. We didn’t accept the role as his parents because no one else would, we accepted because we were blessed and lucky to be chosen.

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